


Cas's First Christmas Alone

by clarity_77



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Christmas Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 03:47:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5569786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarity_77/pseuds/clarity_77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas's first family Christmas party after his breakup with Dean is mainly spent crying in the bathroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cas's First Christmas Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt from tragicashwritingprompts.tumblr.com
> 
> · “today was the first family gathering i’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin that absolutely adored you asked where you were and i had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for a half an hour and look through a folder on my phone of pictures i took of you to feel okay again¨ AU
> 
> ____
> 
> Here's a short little sad Christmas story, hope you like it!!

Castiel knew Christmas was going to be hard this year. 

It hadn’t even been a month since his breakup with Dean, and the annual Novak family dinner was fast approaching. This would be the first Christmas dinner he’d been to alone in years; Dean was always there with him, providing support as he tolerated his horrible family (well, they weren’t _all_ horrible, just most of them).

Castiel said he was over it, that he was better off without Dean. But if he was truly okay, why was he simply unable to pick up the phone and let his parents know Dean would not be attending the party this year? He tossed his phone across the bed and sighed. He’d tell them tomorrow.

___

Several tomorrows came and went and it was finally here: Christmas dinner. There were a few awkward glances, but so far it was alright. Nobody had asked him where Dean was, and Cas was finally starting to relax. Perhaps they didn’t even notice his boyfriend was missing, he thought. Maybe the lack of Dean had gone over unnoticed. After all, with Gabriel being Gabriel, it was hard to focus on much else.

After dinner, Cas was halfway through his second beer, not really listening to any of the conversations happening around him. However, that all changed when Anna sat beside him. She was one of his youngest siblings, and one of his favorites, until she uttered those two words:

“Where’s Dean?”

And for a moment, Cas forgot how to breathe. Of course she’d ask about Dean, he was her favorite. Last year he’d promised to teach her how to bake the perfect apple pie. It didn’t look like that was going to happen.

“He… uh… He’s not coming,” was all Castiel managed to stutter out before excusing himself to the bathroom. Once the door was locked, he took a deep breath and let a tear slip down his face. No matter what he tried to tell himself, he really missed Dean. 

He leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, resting his head against his knees. Dean wasn’t coming. Not this Christmas, not next Christmas, not to any holiday again ever. They were over.

His phone lit up with a new text message from a friend wishing him a Merry Christmas and he unlocked his phone to reveal a picture of Dean’s smiling face staring back at him. Oh, right. He hadn’t changed the background yet. 

And, as usual, one thing led to another and soon he had opened up photos and was browsing sadly through a special album titled ‘My Dean.’ So many pictures, so many memories of a happier time.

There was the very first picture he ever took of Dean, before they were even together. “I just need a photo to go with your phone number” was his excuse. It was true, sort of, but mostly it was just because he wanted a picture of the cute boy with the green eyes and freckles. But no, he couldn’t say that. They were just friends.

The next picture was from their first date, when they spent the evening walking through the park talking about everything and nothing at all. 

After that, they all blurred together into a stream of happy memories. Dean and Sam coming over to Cas’s apartment for dinner. Sam’s college graduation and the celebrations following that. Dean in the Impala, smiling at Cas from the driver’s seat.

Dean sleeping on the sofa, the very first night he’d stayed over at Cas’s place. Shortly after that, he’d woken Dean up and asked if he’d like to come to bed with him, since it was much more comfortable than the couch. And he had agreed. That was one of Castiel’s favorite pictures.

And then there were the ones of them together. Cas could hardly stand to look at those, to see how happy he was. He certainly wasn’t happy now. But still, he continued flipping through the pictures, as if it might make him feel better to see what he’d lost.

There was him and Dean last Christmas in matching ugly sweaters. “These are hideous,” Dean had complained. “Yes, that is the point,” Cas had replied as he eagerly put on his bright red ornament-patterned sweater. After much convincing (and lots of kisses), Dean had eventually put on his green sweater to match his boyfriend. 

He slowly watched as two lives became one. Next were the pictures from the big move: when Dean’s apartment became _their_ apartment. Dean looking tired and sweaty after hauling Cas’s stuff up three flights of stairs (“Seriously, what kind of apartment complex doesn’t have a freaking elevator?!”), Cas laying on the couch with his head in Dean’s lap, and finally, a nice picture of the two of them (“Dean, we don’t have any good pictures of us together to put on the fridge”). 

Each new picture brought memories of what he used to have, what he would still have if he hadn’t… No, he wouldn’t think about that. Thankfully, this picture was the last. It was one Dean had taken of the two of them just a few days before the breakup. He was laughing about something, Cas couldn’t even remember what. But Castiel was more focused on his own face in the photo, where he was looking at Dean as if he were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. It was true, of course. Even now, he couldn’t think of anything more beautiful than Dean when he was happy.

He couldn’t believe how quickly things could change. One day, they were taking pictures and being in love, and just a few days later they looked at one another like strangers.

Castiel closed the photos, took a few more moments to collect himself, and went back out to the party as if nothing had ever happened.


End file.
